I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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