Can i not drive my cunt home
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
not ubering you a puppy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
