you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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