bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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