the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
