Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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