oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry about my life...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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