think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
