The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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