i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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