I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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