I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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