if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
