i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
