What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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