awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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