Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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