6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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