If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
