so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
