I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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