Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vodka?
Forever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
