Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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