I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need a beard to bite.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
