After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
