So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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