so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
