Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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