At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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