And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
