Quick, to the slutcave!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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