either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
