Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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