It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
