Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
