My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
