That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
