census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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