there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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