I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
