he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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