Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
