I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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