Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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