The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
