using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
