I think I won the penis lottery.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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