i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
