weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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