Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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