I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
