im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
