he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
