you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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