My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
