i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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