Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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