And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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