I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
