i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
