She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
