I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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