Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can Purell be used as lube?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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