If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
